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1.1.12
Top 10 Tips: How To Reconcile, Grassroots Style
Happy new years everyone! It's 2012, and on that note, let's aim to be a little more positive, starting with my take on how to reconcile - grassroots meets Letterman's top 10 list style.
These are very much generic suggestions that can be applied anywhere in the world and are not specified to any society or location. Feel free to share your own ideas.
Disclaimer: This is to be taken lightly. If you are likely to be offended by political incorrectness, I would suggest turning to another webpage, like the @thoughtcatalog.
Top 10 Reconciliatory Techniques (which may or may not be effective)
1. When you're offered a flower, say thank you, take it and put it in your hair. It gives off an "I've just come back from an exotic vacation" look, or better yet, gives our island a Hawaii-Rasta feel.
2. If you see a group of people walking around aimlessly with boards and flags in your neighborhood, invite them over for Chai Haleeb, watch 6ash ma6ash or ilcamera alma5shoosha, or better yet serve them some food - dates are pretty effective, but I would suggest heavier dishes like machboos and harees. Guaranteed to make you feel lethargic and alternatively choose to go home and sleep it off.
3. Alfonso Lingis once said, "Hornets get along with hornets, deer get along with deer, even predator species get along. It's not our nature that a man be a wolf to man." So if this is true, then, it's worth noting that..um..actually I had no point to make here. I just wanted to say 'hornets'.
4. When you see angry people, avoid. Wait for them to calm down, then splatter some lavender oil, mashmoom or rosewater. Rose water and lavender are both known to carry a calming, sensuous, relaxing effect on humans. They're probably the most utilized liquids in spas and relaxation spaces. I wonder how much people make just selling that stuff! (Hmmm, I'm sniffing a business venture)
5. Contrary to common belief, burning flags will not get anyone's attention. Burning tires, garbage, etc is unlikely to attract the appropriate sort of attention either. A quick suggestion would be to start a cupcake business and start giving them out for free. Better yet, bring Kim Kardashian for a cameo appearance.
6. That charity box you see in your local barada? For all you know, that money could be going to support the black market in making more fake Chanels, or even worse, cheap DVDs (sorry Zain DVD). A dime a dozen! Fight piracy. Choose to hand out that extra 100-200 fils direct to the source. You'll feel much better knowing where it's going..
7. A responsible citizen is a reconciliatory citizen. Pick up your garbage, distribute food to your neighbors, ring their doorbells, and ask to be invited in. Make sure you have a toothy weird 7ashra smile on your face when you're doing so. Guaranteed to be invited again. Hands down.
8. When all else fails, there's always sports. Buy a football, throw it at an angry mob and see who kicks it back. That would be the guy you assign as the captain. Make sure you have a big enough bus ready (Alnaql Al3am is quite spacious) as you'll be shipping that angry mob to the stadium. The national stadium. It's FOOTBALL TIME!
9. If you see some inflammatory remarks on walls - i.e. insulting graffiti, buy some paint from your local store and paint over it or do some weird scribble. We all have an artist inside us - just make sure they're PG-13 and relatively appropriate. Arabian horses, golden sun, sand (I'll clap for you if you can capture 'sand' through graffiti), pearl, boat, diving, palm trees, you know - the cliched Gulf identity symbols. If you're REALLY getting into it, hire an artist to do it for you. @Alriwaq have some good ones who can do it for cheap (Shameless promotion taking place as we speak).
10. Did I say there were 10?
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